Wednesday, November 16, 2005

God Hates Fags: Northern Ireland Edition

Maurice Mills, a member of the Northern Irish Democratic Unionist Party and a local politician in the town of Ballymena, thinks that Hurricane Katrina was punishment for letting gay people have a party. I guess it's no longer politically correct to say that New Orleans was punished for being full of Catholics.

So I just had a pretty nasty conversation with the treasurer of my building, who left me a message on my answering machine informing me that I would be charged a $50 late fee for getting the rent in a day late. The good news is that I'm not being charged the fee. The bad news is that I was really rude, and I think the era of good feelings in my building may be over.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Another Public Service Announcement

It turns out that Lance Berkman is not Jewish. He is, in fact, certifiably Christian. Sadly, or maybe not sadly, fans of Jewish Astros will have to make do with Brad Ausmus.

Something like half my google hits are either people searching for "Kate Moss anorexic" or "Lance Berkman Jewish," so I thought I should clear that up.

No word yet on whether Kate Moss is anorexic. I will keep you posted as information becomes available.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Michelle Malking: Ableist Jerk

So Michelle Malkin thinks it's "in poor taste" for reporters to talk about Charles Krauthammer "doing a touchdown dance" in glee at the Alito nomination, since Krauthammer uses a wheelchair.

You know what's insensitive? Implying that disabled people can't play sports. You'd think that the buzz surrounding Murderball would have alerted Malkin to the existence of wheelchair sports. Perhaps Malkin should contact the Universal Wheelchair Football Association and ask them if wheelchair football players have ever been known to perform touchdown dances.

I bet the answer is yes.

Friday, November 04, 2005

I'm in the market for a new cane.

Will this one make it look like I'm trying too hard?

I'm really fond of the Cane Lady, who sells hand-painted canes.

She does flowery ones, but she also has abstract ones and ones that are painted to look like cigars. And she does custom orders. Anyone have any brilliant ideas for something I could get painted on a cane?

Here's what I need from a cane. First of all, I need it to subtley but clearly make the point that, although I am using a cane, I am not only achingly hip and infinitely sexy, but also fun, witty, and intelligent. It needs to so distract people with its fabulousness that they will forget to ask me why I need a cane. Extra bonus points if it scares off potential muggers. Also, it needs to go with any outfit, and I need to be able to take it to work. I would also like to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and solve the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle in a single sitting, but perhaps that's too much to ask of a cane.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

So would each of the three Americans who read this blog take a minute to call your representatives and ask them not to fund Bush's stupid war by screwing over sick people? Be sure to specify that you oppose cutting Medicaid, as well as Medicare funds. Elderly people have political clout, so it's likely that Congress won't touch the program that provides medical care for old folks. Poor people do not have political clout, so Medicaid is extremely vulnerable.

In other news, I need to get a humidifier, because the heat has kicked on and my entire body is in revolt, and I really, really want to get this one. Does it say something really bad about me that I'm drawn to appliances that are designed for nurseries?

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Yes, actually, I did say my name was Rambling Rose

I'm in a random, rambling mood today.

I ate lunch in the student cafeteria today, and someone had left behind today’s Wall Street Journal. I should know better than to read the editorial page of the WSJ, but there it was, and I was bored, so I read a lovely editorial about Wal-mart. Apparently, the editors of the Journal are distressed because, as part of a blatant bid for better public relations, the head of Walmart has called on Congress to raise the minimum wage. The editorial claimed that the minimum wage is bad for workers and that Wal-mart is a monumental boon for poor people, since it offers them wonderful products at cheap prices and since it provides employment for the little people. Folks who oppose Wal-mart, according to the WSJ, really just hate the idea of big business, because there is nothing about Wal-mart’s business practices that can rightly be criticized. Wal-mart should stop worrying about P.R. and concentrate on providing the same excellent service that they always have.

I would link to the editorial, but the Journal hides its content behind a paid subscription, to prevent the mere hoi polloi from getting our hands on it and laughing in their faces.

What’s so distressing about the WSJ Wal-mart editorial is that it comes the day after the New York Times published a story about Walmart’s plans to drive down the costs of benefits by discriminating against sick people. The Times got their hands on a lovely memo that includes a lot of sneaky suggestions for lowering Wal-mart’s health insurance costs, which have gone up on account of everyone’s health insurance costs sky-rocketing. Some of the suggestions are familiar to anyone who has been paying attention: they’ll hire more part-timers, who aren’t eligible for benefits, for instance. But one suggestion is to keep “unhealthy” people from applying for jobs by making sure that every job requires manual labor. An expensive cripple might be able to staff a cash register, but he or she certainly couldn’t get on a ladder to stock shelves. The plan is that Wal-mart will be justified in not hiring sick or disabled people who can’t do jobs that have been designed to be undoable by sick or disabled people.

I’m sure the WSJ just thinks that’s a super-smart business practice.

In other news, I am such a super stereotypical Jew that I not only wondered if thuggish-looking Astros pinch hitter Lance Berkman was Jewish; I also googled him to find out. It turns out that not only is Berkman Jewish, but Brad Ausmus is also an M.O.T., making the Astros perhaps the most Jewish team in baseball. However, I am not a stereotypical enough Jew for that to make a dent in my hatred for them.

Speaking of things Jewish, Salon informs me that the Pope has thrown a party to celebrate the 40th anniversary of it not being cool for Catholics to hate Jews anymore. Yay, I guess. But the article contained this little tid-bit:

He said that in the future, he hoped that theological dialogue as well as everyday contacts between Christians and Jews would offer a "shared witness" to the promotion of human dignity, the sanctity of life, and the need to build a world of justice and peace.

I’m curious about whether the Vatican’s idea of dialogue includes acknowledging that Jews do not believe that fetuses fall in the category “human life.” This is a position on which Judaism is completely clear, and on which the most orthodox and most theologically-radical Jews agree. I suppose I think this is some kind of litmus test about whether they really want equal dialogue or whether this is just about the Vatican being a little sorry for 2000 years of anti-Jewish abuse, and Jews being deeply, deeply grateful that they’re not telling people we drink the blood of Christian babies anymore. I’m not exactly holding my breathe for the Vatican to recognize that there might be any validity to Jewish moral teachings. It’s always seemed to me that they want dialogue strictly on their terms.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Public Service Announcement

Apparently, it's normal for people with dry eyes to feel worst in the morning. Your eyes don't produce as many tears when you sleep, so when you wake up, they feel scratchy and painful. This is particularly a problem if you wake up an hour before your alarm is supposed to go off, and you're too tired to get out of bed and get your eye drops. This morning, this happened to me, and in an attempt to fully wake up and rouse myself to find the stupid drops, I turned on NPR. The first story I heard was an interview with a woman whose son recently died in Iraq. And then I was crying, and I didn't need my eye drops anymore. So if you have dry morning eyes, I recommend listening to the news. It's much cheaper than eye drops.

Maybe that's a possible new GOP slogan: "The Bush Administration: an effective force for ocular lubrication."

In other news, is it just me, or are Houston baseball fans particularly obnoxious? Maybe it's normal, because I don't usually watch baseball games from the very begining, but I was pretty horrified that they booed the White Sox players as they were being introduced. They booed completely fair calls, as if it were the ump's fault that their pitcher threw a ball rather than a strike. They booed good plays by the White Sox, not that there were too many of those last night. I may just be profoundly prejudiced against Texas, as well as against Barbara Bush, who was awfully conspicuous there in the stands, but they seemed to me to display especially crappy sportsmanship. Call me idealistic, but I think you should want your team to win because they play well, not because the other team plays badly or the umpire makes bad calls in your favor.

Probably any other fans, would be just as bad if their team were down 2 to 0, so maybe it is just that I have issues with Texas and Barbara fucking Bush.

I won't be able to watch the game tonight, which is a shame, because I really enjoy big sporting events. I think it's an extension of the same principal that makes me love Miss America and the Oscars. I like the kind of T.V. that you watch with friends and beer and pizza. I like events in which you can get invested but that have no real-world implications. It's like election night, but without all the angst about whether the world is going to end if the wrong person gets elected.

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