Friday, February 18, 2005

I really should have something deeply brilliant to say today, but I'm facing an exhaustion crisis. Essentially, I'm so stressed out about my dissertation that I can't sleep. But then when I try to work on the dissertation, I'm so exhausted that I'm not very productive. And that means that I'm not getting enough done, so I'm more stressed out and can't sleep. It's like the vicious cycle of dissertation angst. I'm so tired I'm having trouble making my eyes focus.

Actually, I think I need new glasses. The problem with my current eye issues is that, even though I go to the ophthamologist every three months, she never checks my vision. She checks for glaucoma and cataracts and uveitis and all sorts of real eye diseases, but not for your basic "your eyes have gotten worse and you need new lenses" stuff. (She's also, I'm pretty sure, secretly convinced that I have syphillis or brain cancer, and she's constantly suggesting I get a spinal tap, something that every single one of my other doctors finds totally insane. Oh, and she claims that the only reason that I don't want a spinal tap is that it's in an erogenous zone, which frankly tells me more than I want to know about my opthamologist's sexual proclivities. I guess the small of your back is an erogenous zone, but I don't want a spinal tap because of the whole "sticking a very long needle into your spine" thing. As Freud said, sometimes a really long needle is just a really long, sharp, scary needle. Also, she's the doctor who stood in the waiting room and told the receptionist to order a brain MRI for me, using my full name, oblivious to the fact that a professor from my department was sitting right there, waiting for her eye-doctor appointment. Since nobody in my department, including my advisor, knew that I was MRI-level sick, this was kind of a breach of confidentiality. Come to think of it, maybe I need a new ophthamologist.)

So anyway, that's a long-winded way of saying that I'm having trouble focusing my eyes because I am very neurotic and exhausted, but also maybe because I need new glasses.

By the way, is it very, very bad that I really want to make twinkie sushi? And I want to do that even though I should be spending every waking hour working on my dissertation, so that I can sleep?

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