Friday, November 04, 2005

I'm in the market for a new cane.

Will this one make it look like I'm trying too hard?

I'm really fond of the Cane Lady, who sells hand-painted canes.

She does flowery ones, but she also has abstract ones and ones that are painted to look like cigars. And she does custom orders. Anyone have any brilliant ideas for something I could get painted on a cane?

Here's what I need from a cane. First of all, I need it to subtley but clearly make the point that, although I am using a cane, I am not only achingly hip and infinitely sexy, but also fun, witty, and intelligent. It needs to so distract people with its fabulousness that they will forget to ask me why I need a cane. Extra bonus points if it scares off potential muggers. Also, it needs to go with any outfit, and I need to be able to take it to work. I would also like to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and solve the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle in a single sitting, but perhaps that's too much to ask of a cane.

Those are pretty.
The old fashioned mens' walking sticks - heavy things with a brass knob at the top - were designed for the purpose of whacking pickpockets. (the knob was intended to make it easier to spin the thing in your hand - i've practiced doing this with my grandad's old one, much to my mum's dismay)
I would want mine to be purple, personally. But that's just because it's my current favourite colour. Purple, possibly with little silver stars scattered all over it. It would, of course, be better if it also had magical powers (doubled as a ray gun, etc), but I accept there are certain limitations.
I see your purple and match it with 'purple and topped with a silver duck'.
I don't think I've seen any ducks. But really, there is a staggering array of tacky canes. It's kind of overwhelming. I would spring for a patriotic, red white and blue cane if I had any faith that people would realize I meant it ironically.
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